The Biggest question i ever had to answer

It is so easy for many of us to provide advice to someone else or help them with their challenges, but when it comes to helping ourselves, most of us get stuck. We can’t get out of our own way. I experienced this notion that I was going to climb the corporate career ladder all the way to the top and that would be where I would find success and fulfillment.

I found it. I found what looked like success by hitting the goals assigned to my teams and the company goals I had set for myself. I found that I was hooked on the thrill of the chase that came from hitting those goals. It was as if I was possessed with this insatiable desire to win the annual awards at my company’s President’s Club program. In fact, after 16 years of hard work, I was surrounded by crystal awards with my name on them. I also found success in the big commission checks I was taking home during those years and buying the things I had always wanted to own. So, had someone asked me if I was successful in my career, the answer would have been 'yes’.

But, something was missing.

Success was nice, but it didn’t leave me feeling fulfilled. In fact, any feeling of true satisfaction was often fleeting. I felt a deep emptiness inside and in many ways felt I was running on a hamster wheel every year doing the same thing over and over again. Why wasn’t this enough to make me happy? Why was I feeling like I was in such a funk?

And that other question that came into my mind: Was I weird or did anyone else feel this way too?

That looming question really came to the forefront of my mind when I hit 40 – the question that so many of us don’t know how to answer.

What was my purpose?

How many of you have pondered this same question that lurks in your mind, but have no answer for it? 

I get it. I had no clue either and honestly I felt stressed out that I didn’t know the answer when I thought about it.

How was I going to answer such a bold and defining question? I was unsure, but I did have the desire to figure it out.

As I think back to the start of that voyage of finding purpose, I started writing down the steps that helped me find mine in hopes that they may give you some clue in finding yours.

Want a little help? Grab a blank sheet of paper or a notebook and start answering these questions:

1. What are you good at AND what brings you energy when you are doing it? You see, so many people feel that if they are good at something that is what they should be doing. I too fell for this illusion during my professional career. Many of the leaders back in my corporate role took notice of what I did well so naturally. As a result, they gave me more of those same tasks to complete. What I found odd was I would feel mentally exhausted and drained. If you aren’t able to check both boxes to this question, then it is not what will bring you fulfillment in life. You need to be good at it AND feel energized doing it or it will not feel fulfilling to you. You will not feel connected to meaningful work. It will just be work that you do without any real emotional connection to it.

2. What would you love doing so much you would do it for free? Now, this may seem like a silly question, but think about it. What pulls you towards it — and when you are doing it — it doesn’t even feel like work, it just feels good doing it. For me, helping others find their purpose was connected to something I felt ‘called to do’ – I would do it for free if I didn’t have bills to pay. When I was given opportunities to speak to audiences, I would spend countless hours preparing what I would say and how I would say it.

I would literally stay up late and get up early to work on it. I never even thought for a moment of it as work and the time would fly by while working on it. It was such a feeling of satisfaction when I did it that I would do it for anyone at any time just to do it.

3. How do you want to serve the world? As crazy as it sounds, I found my purpose in a nursing home where my mom lived for over a year. I watched how the patients would light up when they saw me come visit and spend time with them. They never asked for anything materialistic, they just craved time with someone who saw through the shell of Alzheimer’s world they were trapped in. It gave them the feeling that they mattered, and I saw them as significant people in the world. They were not left and forgotten. Through that experience, I found my talent to inspire people of all ages and backgrounds. I found my gift of connecting with people that I never realized I had and I found that I loved more than anything to make them feel valued. From that experience – many would say was so depressing – I uncovered a gift that I was given to share with the world. I was created to inspire many more people and to let them know they were valued and heard. Sometimes you will find purpose in the oddest of places, but the clue is that when you are in those moments, they feel so meaningful and just right. Your heart comes alive and you feel full. Pay attention to the clues, they are there, we just need to be looking.

Now by no means do I expect you have fully found your purpose in answering these questions. However, it is a start for you to begin realizing what your purpose is connected to and what you may be able to tap into so that you can experience more fulfillment. It took me plenty of time and lots of reflection to uncover my own, but once I was hot on the trail to it, more clues surfaced as I went along. 

Sometimes it is right in front of us, but we can’t see it.

Sometimes when we start looking for our purpose, we realize, it’s been looking for us all along.

To your growth,
Kelly